You Have to Feel The Pain In Order to Heal

On February 16th, 2013 at 5:55 am my mother-in-law took her last breathe after struggling with stage four lung cancer. My mother-in-law and I had a bizarre relationship, she was a dear friend of mine. The family found out about her cancer during the Thanksgiving holiday so for us her passing came quite quickly. For years I daydreamed about the time my husband would retire and we could spend more time with his mom, my mom and our families but life doesn't always happen the way we plan. I awake now with this overwhelming sense of sadness and emptyness. The tears come because she won't be back. I don't like the pain nor the sadness, I don't like that she has died and is gone but in order to heal one must feel the grief. I've lost my father, my best girlfriend to pancreatic cancer, my grandparents, some cousins, two brother-in-laws and aunts and uncles and it never gets any easier. Even for Christians. For some people they think that because of our faith, we don't feel the pain. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus who had first-hand knowledge of how grand Heaven is, cried for Mary and Martha when Lazarus died. He wept because he felt their pain. However comforting it is to know we will see our loved ones again in the afterlife we still feel a real loss here. Life will not be the same without our beloved departed. Shirley was a real gem, a rare find and I was blest to be a part of her family. I will ever be grateful for that and noone can take her place. In the meantime I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes sad and than angry that this occurred and than content that she is no longer in chronic pain. You can't stifle your pain or pretend it is not there. Some people turn to drinking and/or drugs which only will mask your feelings for awhile. I know that in time I will be stronger to deal and healed to a point where grief doesn't take up most of my day because death is part of the seasons. In order to heal you must feel the pain and go through being uncomfortable for awhile. Miss you Mom~ <