You Have to Feel The Pain In Order to Heal

On February 16th, 2013 at 5:55 am my mother-in-law took her last breathe after struggling with stage four lung cancer. My mother-in-law and I had a bizarre relationship, she was a dear friend of mine. The family found out about her cancer during the Thanksgiving holiday so for us her passing came quite quickly. For years I daydreamed about the time my husband would retire and we could spend more time with his mom, my mom and our families but life doesn't always happen the way we plan. I awake now with this overwhelming sense of sadness and emptyness. The tears come because she won't be back. I don't like the pain nor the sadness, I don't like that she has died and is gone but in order to heal one must feel the grief. I've lost my father, my best girlfriend to pancreatic cancer, my grandparents, some cousins, two brother-in-laws and aunts and uncles and it never gets any easier. Even for Christians. For some people they think that because of our faith, we don't feel the pain. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus who had first-hand knowledge of how grand Heaven is, cried for Mary and Martha when Lazarus died. He wept because he felt their pain. However comforting it is to know we will see our loved ones again in the afterlife we still feel a real loss here. Life will not be the same without our beloved departed. Shirley was a real gem, a rare find and I was blest to be a part of her family. I will ever be grateful for that and noone can take her place. In the meantime I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes sad and than angry that this occurred and than content that she is no longer in chronic pain. You can't stifle your pain or pretend it is not there. Some people turn to drinking and/or drugs which only will mask your feelings for awhile. I know that in time I will be stronger to deal and healed to a point where grief doesn't take up most of my day because death is part of the seasons. In order to heal you must feel the pain and go through being uncomfortable for awhile. Miss you Mom~ <

What You Don't Know But Should Know About Me

My readers, in order to understand why it might be a few days in between updates to my blog, it is imperative I tell you a little more about me. In 2005 I was diagnosed with Tarlov Cyst Disease (a debilitating and painful condition which in time erodes the spinal cord and causes damage to one's organs); thus more days than not, I am in much pain. However, for many reasons I chose not to elaborate on my condition until today. For one, it took me a few years to even admit to myself that I had this disease and once I had, I did not want sympathy but now for the sake of supporting other sufferer's I am ready to speak about this condition. I have been fortunate because I was raised in a strong Christian Faith and through prayer and the support of the members of my Church and family I have been able to adjust to this situation. The Love is plenty as well as the support. It is so important that whatever disability, that the family encourages their loved one and helps them to move into their new "life". Only those with similar illnesses truly understand that we can make no promises nor is our life consistant. Unfortunately in 2005, I was forced into retirement with the recommendation of five neurologists. A better part of my day I have to rest or wage a possibility of a "flare up" (a flu like condition which exacerbates this affliction) which can last up to a few weeks. Being the creative individual that I have always been, it is frustrating for me. I dream of what I want to do but am unable to keep up or participate because of the tarlov cysts. So I beg with the reader, please be patient if I am unavailable or am not updating on a daily basis. My thoughts for this blog are more than you can see or know...in time, it will come together. Close friends and relatives have come to learn that I am not always available and many times I am much of a recluse. The time I do spend on line and with my members is a genuine blessing~ a time to shine even for a short while and I am grateful for each and everyone of you. When I am able I hope to update on the powerful resources there are out there for those with any physical handicap and the ways I have learned to positively deal with the chronic pain. God is always so Good and yes, he gives us the strength to cope and enjoy each day no matter what we may have to endure. Everyone, including those who do not have an illness, should focus daily on their Blessings because it is impossible to be depressed when you look at the wonderful things in your life. In my life, the Good far outweighs the bad, I have no reason to complain. For more information and online support about Tarlov Cyst Disease, these links are available
http://www.tarlovcyst.net